We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

Unintelligent Design

by Expert Pie

supported by
The Family Gravedigger
The Family Gravedigger thumbnail
The Family Gravedigger If you like old school hardcore punk, a la MDC or Special Forces, you will love this album. The guitar player is all over the neck, the bass is rumbling and violent, and the drumming sets a frantic pace with clarity and athleticism. The lyrics are 50% humorous, 50% serious, 50% topical, and 50% cynical. They are delivered with fuck off and a smile. KILLER SHIT! Favorite track: Analysis Paralysis.
JCrua
JCrua thumbnail
JCrua Essential music. I’m sharing this with my first born and truly amazing child.
Zombiehater
Zombiehater thumbnail
Zombiehater Legendary as in this is the stuff legends are made of, rabid, radical and poignant, a real gem mined out of Mount Diablo itself Favorite track: Covered in Bruces.
/
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.
    Purchasable with gift card

      name your price

     

  • Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    Limited pressing of Expert Pie : "Unintelligent Design" on 45 RPM 12" LP pressed onto translucent Kerry Green Vinyl

    Includes unlimited streaming of Unintelligent Design via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 14 days
    edition of 100 

      $20 USD or more 

     

1.
QAnon On 01:27
Get your fucking Q Anon, On! Get your fucking voter fraud, On! Get your fucking pizza gate, On! Get your fucking Q Anon, On! Liberals eating baby face, On! Propagate the master race, On! Covid is a snowflake flu, On! Started by Soros,…....and the Jews! Bill Gates globalist Lizard vaccine microchips Shaman Q we will resist Storm the capitol on the 6th!
2.
Size Matters 01:25
Short and thin gets it in Long and thick does the trick Coke dick isn’t sick It won’t fucking fit! Size Matters!! Micro dong aint wrong Or a giant schlong Especially in a thong Then you can’t go wrong! Just ask my wife! Packing pants with socks Exaggerated jocks Fear of being mocked Ruthless Karens squawk! Size Matters!! Some are fat and wide Or bent down to the side All dongs should have pride And don’t believe the lie!! Just ask the mailman! Short and thin gets it in Long and thick does the trick Coke dick isn’t sick! It won’t fucking fit! Size matters!! Micro dong aint wrong Or a giant schlong Especially in a thong Then you can’t go wrong!!
3.
Bum Shit 00:59
Step in shit Feel it squish I just hope It’s only, from a dog. As I smell I quickly tell The big fat turd S’not from a bird It’s from a dude! It’s Bum Shit! I start to gag And grab a rag It’s thick like slag And multicolored too! What can I do About this poo Smeared on my shoe It’s gonna make me puke! Make! Me! Puke!! Stinky logs Hide like dogs It’s not what you want to Get on you. In SF Bay It’s every day We find a way Not to, step in it. It’s Bum Shit! Shit and piss Is everywhere And no one cares It’s really, fucking gross! Our new norm Is brown with corn And everywhere I look I see Bum Shit!! See Bum Shit!! See Bum Shit!!
4.
The moral minority wont stop short Handpicking judges to stack the court Frat boys and handmaids to fill the bench Dismantling freedoms cause they know best. …......I LIKE BEER!! They stripped away our right to choose Men whose power they’re afraid to lose Roe V. Wade was just the start Burn all the books and the gay art! The next day a kid got raped You say god chose her fate Forced to carry a stillborn Maybe then she’ll fucking learn! With apps to track your cycle School assignment is the Bible Prove your sex to play girl sports The school priest will check your shorts. QAnon runs the court Making sure you don’t abort Laws that make it hard to vote Amy Coney Barrett’s chode Clarence Thomas has no balls His wife’s the one who makes the calls! ABORT! THE SUPREME COURT!
5.
At punk shows, I can be rough. I like to, get into that stuff. Feeling the tunes, deep in my soul. At times I get, out of control. Flailing elbows and high step knees, Don’t care what’s in front of me. Barrel my way through the pit like a train, Hit so hard that it bruises My Brain!! My Brain!! Pummeled by elbows, Showered in sweat, Thrashing my way through Every song in the set. A kick to the shins And a face full of spikes, Adrenaline’s high I’m having the time of my life. Slip in the beer, And I’m hitting the floor. A downpour of boots, Fuck I’m gonna be sore! It’s a dogpile pit Everyone’s on me Hundreds of faces All I see is Brother B! Brother B! I’m rolling around on the floor. Kicked in the face I can’t take anymore. A hand reaches down for me I look at his face, It’s Brother B! Brother B!
6.
Too many options, Don’t know which one to choose. I can’t decide, Just what to do! If I pick the wrong one, Someone will through a fit. It’s so much easier, Not! To! Deal! With! It! Analysis Paralysis got me! All these decisions, UNCERTAINTY!!! (Stops) Analysis Paralysis got me! Every time I try to choose, I just FREEZE!!! So many choices, Did I make a mistake?! Picked the wrong restaurant, Now my stomach aches! Am I missing out, If I don’t go to the show?! It might be so awesome, But it might fucking blow! I don’t know what to eat, I can’t make up my mind. I’ll probably starve to death, Trying to decide! Should we watch this or that, It’s a waste of time. I’ll just stare at the screen, Until my brain’s fried! I don’t want to pick, I’ll leave it up to you. This is making me sick, And stressed out too! Buyer's remorse, Every time I buy. FUCK!! WAS! THE! PRICE! TOO! HIGH!!? Analysis Paralysis got me! Can’t seem to shake this ANXIETY!!!
7.
Eh? 01:26
8.
Weed Ripper 01:37
Reach for the bong Take a fat rip Exhale control Get me off of this trip Cold and pale Dripping with sweat I can’t even talk What the fuck was that shit?! Weed Ripper!! Millions of thoughts Out of control Anxiety!! Takes it’s toll Start ta come to Paranoia takes hold If my wife calls right now My brain will explode No! I'm Not Ok! Weed Ripper!!
9.
Struttin’ down the street motorboatable man boobs Shirt tied in a knot like you’re Daisy Duke Drinking at the bar motorboatable man boobs I can’t even look you in the eye! Saw you at the store motorboatable man boobs Buying all the ham like a cheap man whore!
10.
Why do you care if my son wears a dress, Likes glitter and Ponys Or wants to have breasts? Decisions like that need to be left to him, How will they know if you silence them? What’s going on in our schools today? Don’t say Gay! Can’t teach about sex, him, her, or they. Don’t say Gay! No Rainbows in Class?! This is fucking insane! Post-race society how the fuck can that be, Inequality exists, it’s obvious to see. Fragile White Hypocrites! Can’t Stand To Smell Their Shit! Stop Woke! What a fucking joke! Don’t say Gay! Critical race what a slap in the face. Don’t say Gay! Denying the past, Doesn’t change racist facts! Freedom of speech only applies to you. Race and sex make you uncomfortable. Why can’t everybody be like me? Hetero white Christian society! Censoring lives to try and alter the truth! Don’t say Gay! Muzzling teachers and banning our books. Don’t say Gay! DeSantis and pals are the real fucking crooks! Fuck You!
11.
Fart Jar 01:25
Fart Jar! It’ll make me rich Fart Jar! They’ll smell my shit! Fart Jar! A thousand dollars on Craigslist. Fart Jar! I’ll eat more beans Fart Jar! They’ll smell extreme Fart Jar! I’m gonna shit myself Gotta give their money’s worth I think my colon’s gonna burst! Doctor says I gotta quit I’ll need a bag to hold my shit (Repeat Verse)
12.
If you’re super old you get a pass Shit yourself in public or pass gas. Casual use of racial slurs Friendly fondling pretty girls Invasion of your personal space Pinching someone’s baby’s face Ram into people with their Larks Hog bathroom stalls at ballparks Leave the dog outside While it barks! The handicapable get a pass Shit themselves in public or pass gas Pick their nose in public places Half a sandwich on their faces Throw a fit at the zoo Grab a little kid’s balloon Expose themselves at the mall Walk into a glass wall Take a dump, in an open stall!
13.
You look like you fell asleep Just sit there and beat your meat I don’t want no satisfaction I just want to get some action From your feet down to your hair Bodies flying through the air Come on off the fucking wall Get off your ass and show some balls I don’t want no satisfaction I just want to get some action! Just Gimme Some Action! Just Gimme Some Action! Just Gimme Some Action! Just Gimme Some Action!
14.
LGBTQ 00:48
LGBTQ we love you! LGBTQ hope you love me too!
15.
I wish the American way Equal Rights Prosperity Say What you want to say Even if we disagree Environmental Policy Sustainable Society United for a greater good Right the wrongs we know we should Instead it’s all about greed Truth and facts we don’t agree There is no accountability And it makes me sick! Qanon or Antifa Can’t define America Fox News or CNN Democrat Republican Mad about the same old shit Keep us down subservient Everyone can agree We need a free society America’s all about greed Truth and facts we don’t agree There is no accountability And it makes me sick!
16.
A false sense of entitlement rules the day. Karens and privileged bigots throw tantrums, As they want more freedom than everyone else. Patriotism! My flag is bigger than yours. The most woke ass motherfuckers Will hate everyone in all the correct ways! Keep your laws off my body I won’t wear a mask. I feel so oppressed, I won’t get the vax. Coal rolling trucks to own all the libs, Who gives a fuck about the environment!! Fuck clean air! As long as I show them I’m boss, I don’t care! Starbucks put soy in my double whip frap, They spelled my name wrong, What the fuck’s up with that?! I’m gonna throw a fit if I don’t get my way, I want to speak to your manager, I won’t fucking pay!! I am right! The world owes me everything, I’ll scream and fight! And it just goes on like this, Idiocracy in real time. Stupid people breeding more stupid people, Who think the world revolves around them. Everyone else is trying to take away what they have. Immigrants and queers threaten their way of life. Me First! My Way! I HAVE RIGHTS!! Entitled twits! Losing their shit! Exposing cultural biases! Karens and vanity! Plastic fake society! Outrage mob mentality! Social media bubbles! Keeps us divided! Society is in trouble! With no common ground! Rich politicians and greedy celebrities Steal money from welfare to give to family Fuck Brett Favre, he’s a greedy whore! He’s worth a hundred million, but he still wants more! Can’t get enough cash! Welfare queens think they’re better, Better than the rest.

credits

released December 19, 2022

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Expert Pie Concord, California

We hail from our garages in Concord and Martinez California. Our families and neighbors have endured many jams as we "worked out the kinks" and developed our songs. Special thanks to all of them for saying/pretending they like it and not calling the cops! We started the band with low expectations and low pressure to be available to jam. If you've listened to us, you can see not much has changed. ... more

contact / help

Contact Expert Pie

Streaming and
Download help

Report this album or account

If you like Expert Pie, you may also like: