Songs in the Key of Cock

by Expert Pie

supported by
Daniel Delossantos
Daniel Delossantos thumbnail
Daniel Delossantos there is nothing more relatable than this. thank you expert pie
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1.
01:37
2.
01:04
3.
01:12
4.
5.
00:55
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8.
9.
01:03
10.
01:14
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12.
01:16
13.
01:14
14.
01:22
15.
16.

credits

released April 1, 2016

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

Expert Pie Concord, California

We hale from our garages in Concord and Martinez California. Our families and neighbors have endured many jams as we "worked out the kinks" and developed our songs. Special thanks to all of them for saying/pretending they like it and not calling the cops! We started the band with low expectations and low pressure to be available to jam. If you've listened to us, you can see not much has changed. ... more

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Track Name: The Answer
The Answer?

The answer to all unknown,
Excuse for all to fail.
The only purpose to your life,
God the fairy tale.

The afterlife is what you want.
God's the answer that you need!
Pray for everything you want,
Pray for everything you need,
Fuck anyone that disagrees!!

Never mind wasting every resource,
Or child molesting priests.
Jesus will save you soon, if you believe!

The afterlife is what you want.
God's the answer that you need.
Pray for everything you want.
Pray for everything you need.
Fuck anyone that disagrees!!

Rape, murder, go to heaven anyway!
Lie cheat steal, go to heaven anyway!
Don't you know they're all hypocrites anyway!
Don't you know they're all full of shit anyway!

The answer to all unknown,
Excuse for all to fail.
The only purpose to your life,
God the fairy tale!

The afterlife is what you want.
God's the answer that you need.
Pray for everything you want.
Pray for everything you need.
Fuck anyone that disagrees!!
Track Name: Trump Hump
Trump Hump

Donald has his work cut out gonna save the U.S.A.
He's gonna run for president so the middle class has no say.
He'll build a wall to protect us all, from the Mexicans!
Do those rich fuckers know what's best for you?
Class War Republicans!

Immorally wealthy businessmen, bank accounts held over shore.
Don't want to pay their taxes they can easily afford.
They say waa waa my 2% is way fucking more,
Than the fucking 30% paid out by the poor.

Donald.....you're fired!

Donald Trump wants to hump, his own daughter.
Donald Trump wants to hump, a big bag of cash!

Donald.....nice hair!

Donald Trump wants to hump, his own daughter.
Donald Trump wants to hump, a giant bag of cash.

Donald has his work cut out, gonna save the U.S.A.
Gonna run for president so the middle class has no say.
He'll build a wall to protect us all, from the Mexicans.
Do those rich fuckers know what's best for you?

Donald Trump's a chump!
Donald wants to hump,
His own daughter,
While it's raining cash!
Track Name: Upper Decker
Upper Decker
Fucks like you deserve an upper decker.
You loud fat bitch, your mouth is full of lies.
Do you really think that people can't see through your shit?
Point the finger, play the victim, you're just a hypocrite!

You're a disgrace.
I can't stand your face.
Too late for you, you tempted your fate.
You're a disgrace.
I can't stand your face.
Too late for you, you tempted your fate.

I'll sneak into your house when you least expect it.
Flip down the lid and sit up on the tank.
You've pushed us too far now you're going to get what you deserve.
Why don't you bigots leave us alone and just fuck off!

You're a disgrace.
I can't stand your face.
Too late for you, you tempted your fate.
You're a disgrace.
I can't stand your face.
Too late for you, you tempted your fate.

Marcus and Rochelle deserve an upper decker.
So every time they flush, shit fills up the bowl!
Track Name: Holding Out Cock
Holding Out Cock

You think that you're really slick.
You're holding out puss, I'm, holding out dick!
I've got some news for you honey.

I'm holdin' out on cock.
I'm holdin' out, my cock!
I'm holdin' out on cock.
I'm holdin' out, on cock!

The right hand is all I need.
Vengeance, fury, power, speed.

I'm holdin' out on cock.
I'm holdin' out, my cock!
I'm holdin' out on cock.
I'm holdin' out, my cock!

I'm gonna jerk off in the shower,
My right hand is righteous power!

I'm holdin' out on cock.
I'm holdin' out, my cock!
I'm holdin' out on cock.
I'm holdin' out, my cock!

Getting sick and tired of your shit.
You're going to have to rub your own clit!

I'm holdin' out on cock.
I'm holdin' out, my cock!
I'm holdin' out on cock.
I'm holdin' out, my cock!

I'm gonna jerk off in the shower,
My right hand is righteous power!

The right hand is all I need.
Vengeance, fury, power, speed.
I have turned the tables on you.
If you had balls they'd be blue!

I'm gonna jerk off in the shower,
My right hand is righteous power!
Track Name: Grandma
Grandma

It's time to bath grandma.
I already bathed grandma!
Your turn to bath grandma!
I don't want to bath grandma......grandma!

Dirty diapers pussing sores.
She needs to take a bath!

It's time to bath grandma.
Your turn to bath grandma!
I already bathed our grandma!
It's not my turn to bath grandma......grandma!

Crusty corns and moldy pits.
She needs to wash her snatch!

It's time to bath grandma!
Your turn to bath grandma......grandma!

Bath grandma!
Track Name: Mild Pedophilia
Mild Pedophilia

Jared Fogle's claim to fame was losing weight eating Subway sandwiches.
Now he claims this led him to steamy child romances!

Jared enjoys a foot long.
Some kid chokes down his schlong.
Sixteen so nothing's fucking wrong.
This is the mild pedophilia song.

I don't need a five dollar sub.
I need a six year old's chub.
Did I say six year old chub?!
I meant to say sixteen years or older.
I didn't mean to say six year old chub.
This is the mild pedophilia song.

The more weight I lose from Subway sandwiches, the more I desire child romances!

Sixteen grand in finders fees.
To find the best kid wee wee.
Hyper-sexuality!
Twelve thousand on sex annually!

Jared enjoys a foot long.
Some kid chokes down his schlong.
Sixteen so nothing's fucking wrong!
They were old enough to have hair, on their balls.
Jared doesn't think it's wrong, to fuck kids.
This is the mild pedophilia song!
Track Name: Happy Endings
Happy Endings

Happy endings, to your fucking massage!
Sex slaves put to work.
Pull out your chicken and jerk!

On to my tenth john of the day,
I haven't given a massage yet.
Every customer just wants sex.
So much for my fucking certificate!

Twenty dollars, you'll get a rub and tug!
Viagra and coke!
Lamar Odom's no joke!

Happy endings, to your fucking massage.
You feel like a man.
The cum is on your hands.

Grunting and moaning, I hear others groaning.
All of the masseurs are boning.
Looking like a fuck festival.
Every one around here is covered in ick and drool!

Happy endings, to your fucking massage!
Track Name: Math Rock Sucks
Instrumental
Track Name: Nut Basket
Nut Basket

You kids don't know, the pain I'm in when I'm at the show!

My nut basket, hurts when I shit!

It's a pain getting old, just think of all the muscles I've pulled.
It hurts when I get out of bed.
My old lady wont give me head!

My nut basket, hurts when I shit!
This getting old shit sucks.
I'm gonna bust a gut!

Gotta watch what I eat.
People pass out when they smell my feet.
My hair just falls right out.
Gotta stop drinking cause I got gout!

My nut basket, hurts when I shit.
(Somebody get me a fucking ice pack!)

You kids don't know the pain I'm in when I'm at the show!
It's lights out when I'm having sex.
Man boobs jiggle where I once had pecks.

My nut basket, hurts when I shit!
Track Name: Cat Box
Cat Box

I thought the cat box was a sand box,
I played with cat turds.
My poop sculptures looked like art work,
Mommy would adore for sure.
The first looked like a rocket ship,
The next an airplane.
A snake, a turtle, sunflower, a gingerbread man.

I placed them around the house on display.
I thought they would brighten up mom and dad's shitty day.
I can't forget the look on mom's face, as she said,
Oh god not the,
Cat Box!!

I wondered why they beat on me,
Locked up like I'm insane.
Took away all my toys as they looked at me in vain.
So afraid I shit my pants I didn't know what to do.
Bored and confused I made a finger painting with the poo.

A giant portrait of my mother's face.
Looking tormented and disgraced.
Smeared perfectly on the wall.
A fuck you to them all!

Bad parenting!
Product of neglect!
Shit masterpiece!
To brighten up your day!
Track Name: Bat in the Cave
Bat in the Cave

You got a bat in the cave.
Flipping back and forth every word that you say.
You got a bat in the cave.
I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say!

Bat in the cave, bat in the cave, bat in the cave. You suck!
Bat in the cave, bat in the cave, bat in the cave. What the fuck?!

You got a bat in the cave.
You got a bat in the cave.
You got a bat in the...........cave!

You got a bat in the cave.
Hope it doesn't hit me in the face.
You got a bat in the cave.
Hope it doesn't land in the mayonnaise!

Bat in the cave, bat in the cave, bat in the cave. You suck!
Bat in the cave, bat in the cave, bat in the cave. Fuck you!

You got a bat in the cave.
You got a bat in the cave.
You got a bat in the.....cave!
You got a bat in the ca ca ca ca cave!
Track Name: I'm Coming
I'm Coming

Beastiality sucks, it tastes so fucking weird.
I think I did it wrong, the claws stuck in my beard!
I went to get a pap smear, wound up with a poop smear.
I've got a vomit fetish, na na na na na na na.

Fairies watch me while I masturbate.
I'm cumming!
Anal acrobatic midget salad toss.
Not cumming!
Bang it out Brony style, like a boss!
I'm cumming!
Chicks with ugly ass muffin tops.
Not cumming!

Truffle butter french toast, lathered in felch jizz.
Fecal fart sweetheart, Dirty Sanchez!
Dutch oven heaven, good lord I have the skids.
Hold you under the covers, makes me fucking jizz.
Horny!!

Cleveland steamers and space docks!
I'm cumming!
Holdin' back thinking about Captain Spock!
Not Cumming!
Bringing it home with the rusty trombone!
I'm cumming!
Getting a blumpkin sitting on the throne!
Not cumming!

Anal acrobatic salad toss!
Beating it out Brony style like a boss!
Chicks with ugly ass muffin tops.
And again, beating it out Brony style like a boss!
Track Name: Amy's Baby
Amy's Baby


She says it just keeps happening,
That jerk knocked me up again.
Every time I see him,
We just end up back in bed.
I hate his fucking guts,
He's no father to my kid!

My newborn has a giant cock,
I swear it's really big.
Like the size of a three year old's.
I'm so proud of it!

My newborn's got a giant cock,
I swear it's really big.
Like the size of a three year old's.
I'm so proud of it!

Amy's.......baby!
Amy's.......baby!

Amy's baby has a giant cock!
Track Name: Cock Debacle
Cock Debacle

I went down to the pharmacy.
Gotta get some pills to help fix me.
My wife doesn't know I can't get it up without the pill.
Cock Medicine!

Gotta be ready when the moment is right.
Hope my baby don't put up a fight!
Cialis and Viagra I'm good to go!

I got home and gave the dog a bone.
This side effect it was unknown.
It seems my cock has a mind of its own!

I got into the neighbors chicken coop.
The first hen I grabbed had a really sweet poop shoot.
Grabbed a couple bricks to make this cock debacle end.
Chicken Bricken!
Track Name: Don't Look at Me!
Don't Look at Me!

Don't you fucking look at me you stupid fucking cunt!
Don't you fucking look at me you stupid fucking cunt!
Don't you fucking look at me you stupid fucking cunt!

I got a uni-brow!
Don't you fucking look at me!
With that fucking scowl you got on your face,
It makes me want to puke all over the place.
You're judging me, I'm judging you, I see it in your eyes.

Don't you fucking look at me you stupid fucking cunt!
Don't you fucking look at me you stupid fucking cunt!
Don't you fucking look at me you stupid fucking cunt!

I forgot to shave!
Don't you fucking look at me!
With that fucking scowl you got on your face,
It makes me want to puke all over the place.
You're judging me, I'm judging you, I see it in your eyes.
It's your face that I despise!!
Track Name: Wart Whisperer
Wart Whisperer

At the shopping mall, you took my parking spot.
I had my fucking blinker on!
I was at a party talking to some chicks.
You stepped up and pointed out my zits!

Don't cock block me!
I'll give you warts so unsightly.
I'll make you all unclean I'm the wizard wart king!

Kicked out of comic con cause of my outfit.
Disneyland let me in with it!
Dressed up like a burger, no onions!
You hocked a loogie between my buns!

Don't fuck with me!
I'll give you warts so unsightly.
I'll make you all unclean I'm the wizard wart king!

Rocking to my jam, you try to talk to me.
No one cares about your misery!
Knocking at my door, trying to sell some cleaner.
I was in the bedroom pulling on my wiener!

Don't interrupt me!
I'll give you warts so unsightly.
I'll make you all unclean I'm the wizard wart king.
Herpe shankers on your face, scrambled eggs between your legs.

I'm the Wart Whisperer, the wizard wart king.
Touched my cock to a toad at the age of sixteen.
Now I am the Wart Whisperer!